Three minute read
Being active, spending time in nature, and opening up to others are good for our wellbeing. All of these elements form part of Princess Alice Hospice’s regular walk-and-talk groups for bereaved people.
We asked participant-turned-volunteer Steve to tell us about the difference that walking and talking has made to him after the death of his wife.
“My wife actually used to work for Princess Alice Hospice,” he explains. “She was a fundraiser. All the high-end stuff that was donated, she would sell online or send to auction to raise money. That was how I first knew about the hospice.
“We’d been married for 35 years when she died of ovarian cancer. Unfortunately, it was already Stage 4 by the time they spotted it. When something like that happens, you have a choice not to give up. Even when it’s hard, you have to push forward.”
Walking and talking side by side
As well as seeing a counsellor, ‘pushing forward’ for Steve meant joining walk-and-walk groups in Bushy Park and Claremont Landscape Gardens. He explains why he thinks it’s been so effective:
“In my career, I was an agile coach, coaching software teams. One of the key things you learn in this work is that it's easier to talk if you’re side by side — like when you are walking alongside someone — than if you are face to face. It’s much easier to open up that way.
“On these walks, you meet people in similar circumstances. You realise you're not the only one. You can't say that you’re in the same situation, but you can empathise with each other.
“They're not your friends or your family. They’re not going to judge you in the future for what you say, so you can open up and be honest. There’s a lot of ‘gallows humour’ too — things you wouldn’t say to anyone else!
“Every time you can talk to different people, even if you’ve never met before. There’s such a range of different backgrounds. I meet people that I never would have spoken to, except on the walk.
"When people open up, it’s very moving. Obviously there's a lot of tears, but also a kind of happiness when you see people improving.”
Fresh air, greenery and like-minded people
Steve believes the routine and the setting are also important factors in helping people who come on the walks to connect with and support each other. Although he was already a keen cyclist who loves spending time outside, he believes anyone, of any age or fitness, can enjoy the walks.
“The fresh air is great and the greenery is relaxing. For a lot of people, if they are in a bad place, the walks might be the only time they really get out. It’s much easier to get out if you know you’ll be with a group of like-minded people.
“We have an hour's walk and then a cup of tea and cake. You don’t have to stay but everybody usually does.”
Getting people talking
Every walk is supported by a couple of volunteers, many of whom have experienced bereavement themselves. Steve has recently completed the training to become a walk-and-talk volunteer.
“If you're a volunteer, you're not there to talk to people about yourself,” he says. “The idea is that you get people talking to each other. You are there to engage people and to facilitate the conversation. Because people walk at different paces, there’s usually one volunteer at the front and one at the back.
“As part of the training, you also look at the research behind why walk-and-talk works, especially for men. It’s very interesting.”
Steve knows how hard it can be to get out of the house and join a walk for the first time, but also what a difference it can make:
“Whatever dark place they're in, however sceptical they were before going, I don't think I’ve met anybody who went on one of the walks who didn't say they got a lot out of it. It’s the people who make it such a good experience. I think it's one of the things that has helped me the most.
Free, monthly walk-and-talks take place in Bushy Park, Richmond Park, Painshill, Claremont Landscape Gardens and Horton Country Park.
The walks are available for anyone who is bereaved, and people are welcome to attend for up to two years. Find out more from Princess Alice Hospice or find more grief and bereavement support organisations here.
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