Four minute read
When Jenny’s mum, Duc Lien (pictured above), died, Jenny wanted her funeral to take place in accordance with her mum’s Taoist Buddhist tradition. She explains how the Poppy’s team listened to what she needed and helped her every step of the way.
My mum and dad are both Chinese. They came to the UK when they were in their early teens, as immigrants from Vietnam. I am one of their four children, and they have two grandchildren.
My mum was really fun-loving, really friendly. She always liked to have a giggle. She’d lived in the same block of flats in Battersea for well over 30 years. She was someone who knew everyone, and everyone knew she would always stop for a chat.
She also loved her TV shows. She was like a personal TV guide — always up to date with ‘Love Island’. In her spare time she would commute a long way to the allotment to tend to her plants and vegetables.
Finding a funeral director
After she died, I googled local funeral directors and rang them up to ask questions. It was late afternoon when she died — I knew that the offices would be closing soon, which put pressure on me to find “the right one”.
Some of the customer service was horrendous. It felt like I’d inconvenienced them because I called late in the afternoon and I felt rushed on the calls.
Then I found Poppy’s. The Poppy’s team were able to answer all my questions on the call in a calm and patient way. They came later the same day to collect my mum which was fantastic.
The team were so respectful from the moment they came in, asking if I wanted to take part in any of the preparations before they took her, ensuring we were happy in the processes and keeping us updated constantly.
They came up to the twelfth floor of the building where my family lived. I helped them make sure that no one saw my mum being taken out via the lift and parking area.
An auspicious day for the funeral
In Taoist Buddhism, we use a special, spiritual calendar. The Chinese priest told us, based on my mum's birth date and date of death in the special calendar, that there would be specific dates when it was most auspicious to bury her.
The chosen date was in November — over six weeks later. Most funeral directors will only hold bodies for 30 days, but when I spoke to Poppy’s they were so understanding, as well as being clear about the costs.
This was a big learning curve for me, as my parents are practising Taoists. I had to follow the lead of my dad, who was following the lead of the Chinese priest.
Anything that needed to be adhered to spiritually I checked with Poppy’s first. They held our hands through the whole process and made sure that all our all our religious needs were met no matter how big or small.
Funeral clothes and ceremonies
My sister and I were invited to meet the Poppy’s team at the office. We visited the mortuary where Mum was held but we didn’t actually see her.
It was great to actually meet the people at Poppy’s who we had been talking to, to see the options of caskets that were available and to get clarity on what could and couldn’t be done. We requested that Mum was wrapped in some natural cloth to wrap her once she had been dressed. Which again, was no problem for Poppy’s.
We found out that we had to buy Mum all new clothes and new shoes, because these are the clothes she will take with her into the afterlife.
My sister and I had to break all the zips, take off the buttons, put holes in pockets because of the belief that a bad spirit will try and steal from the person who has died. When we struggled with some zips, the team at Poppy’s helped with this before dressing her.
On the day of the funeral, my siblings and I dressed in white, with white cloth over our funeral clothes, and white hats. The Poppy’s team waited and took pictures for us while the priest performed some ceremonies, before my Mum left her home to make her way to the cemetery.
The team on the day didn’t rush us and were conscientious about the religious practices that needed to be completed before we set off.
We had to pray in front of the vehicle before we left for the cemetery, to burn incense in the car and to throw paper money out of the windows as we went. Poppy’s accommodated and respected everything.
A mix of people attended, some Buddhist, some not. I made a poster for the building where she lived, in case anyone from there wanted to say their goodbyes, as well as friends and family. It was nice to see familiar faces for Mum’s final goodbye from the building.
At the graveside, there were more prayers and the burning of 'joss paper' or 'ghost money'. This ritual is a symbolic way of sending money and other material goods to the afterlife. As Mum was lowered into the ground, we had to tell the guests not to look as that brings bad luck.
After the funeral
I had never organised a funeral before, but I think because I've done this now, it would be easier to do again in the future. I have a feeling that I will end up being the go-to person in our family!
After Mum’s one year anniversary it was such a nice touch to get a card and wildflower seeds from Poppy’s. It was really sweet, even once there was nothing else for Poppy’s to do.
It’s been two years now since Mum died, and I think having the funeral we wanted made the grieving process much easier.
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