Five minute read
Something new is starting in south west London this month.
We talk to funeral celebrant Nic Preston about launching a local Coffin Club, part of an international movement to empower people to talk and think about death and to take control of their own funeral planning.
In this blog, she explains what happens at a Coffin Club and how you can get involved.
What is Coffin Club in a nutshell?
Coffin Club is for anyone who wants to take their funeral planning in hand. It’s an educational platform covering the practical side of death and dying. We talk about funerals to demystify them and debunk any myths. We’re trying to take the fear out of talking about it.
It's also about showing all the different options and choices available. For example, I’ve asked Poppy’s to come along to a meeting to talk about the many funeral choices available. I also think it'd be useful to have a solicitor to explain wills and a palliative care professional.
An end-of-life doula would be interesting too — a lot of people don't know what they do and they're amazing! The venue will hopefully be an art gallery in Kingston or a local café, somewhere really beautiful, really light. I’m very keen to keep the environment relaxed.
The idea for Coffin Club started in New Zealand and was brought to the UK by two celebrants in Hastings, called Kate and Kate. Now there are Coffin Clubs all over the country. It’s all free and anyone can come along. There’s no membership and no hidden agenda.
How did your personal experience inspire you to bring Coffin Club to your local area?
My mum and dad died fairly close to each other — my dad in December 2017, my mum in February 2020 — just before Covid hit. As you can imagine, it was pretty awful. There’s so much I didn’t know about the end of life when they both died.
My dad died in hospital. Thankfully my mum, my siblings and I were there with him. But it was very surreal — we each had a few moments alone to “say goodbye”, then the curtains were drawn and he was whisked away, probably to the hospital mortuary. We didn't know where he was in the time between his death and his funeral.
When we went to visit him at the funeral directors, it was very dark, very Victorian. It just felt wrong. I didn't realise that you could come and dress your person. We just went along with what we were advised because we had never been in that awful situation before
My mum died at home, in her sleep. I wish I’d known that we could have kept her at home for a little bit and looked after her there. I didn't know you could do that. We could have taken it in turns to sit in with her and put some music on and light a candle — we could have washed and dressed her.
I think that would have helped with processing it all, as it’s such an enormous shock. But she was whisked off down the stairs in a black body bag, into the back of a private ambulance. Again, we didn’t know where she was until the day of her funeral.
That's what's really pushing me to make sure people have information about different types of funerals, as well as about how you can still care for your person after they have died. We seem to have lost sight of that in contemporary western culture.
And how have your professional experiences shaped you?
My background for the last twenty years has been as a freelance television producer. The work could be really stressful and the industry is in turmoil right now. I wanted to do something new, something for myself. My sister suggested training to be a celebrant.
I love hearing people's stories. I'm fascinated by them. As a celebrant, you’re there at a pivotal time in people's lives — being there to tell their stories is a real privilege.
I trained as a funeral celebrant the Academy of Modern Celebrancy and through Coffin Club. That was how I first heard about Poppy’s. I started working for them as a Practical Lead as I did my training. I absolutely love it. Poppy’s is one of the nicest places I've ever worked. I really feel part of the team.
How do people respond when you talk to them about Coffin Club?
When people find out what I'm doing, they've got loads of questions. People really do want to talk about it.
I want to spread the word and enlighten people in whatever small way I can. I’m hoping to do some leafleting locally, social media and blogs, and contact different communities that I’m part of in my area.
What are your hopes for South West London Coffin Club?
I hope a mix of people will come. We’ll meet during a weekday to start off with but I would really like to open it up to everyone, so will hopefully have some evening meetings as well
Coming to Coffin Club doesn’t necessarily mean you want to plan your funeral now, but it’s a chance to educate yourself and find out what's out there. There’s always something new to learn.
We’ll talk about making plans, taking control and empowering yourself, in a really relaxed way — because we don't often talk about it! I didn't talk about any of this before last year, but now I haven't stopped!
I’d like Coffin Club to evolve to reflect what people would like to know about — see what works, what doesn't work — and go from there.
And have you planned your own funeral?
I’ve been in bands and am a big music fan, so maybe a mini-festival with lots of live music from my friends and family — I could turn up to that in my coffin too!
I would either like a natural burial in a mushroom coffin or cremation on an open air community pyre — though unfortunately the latter is not legal in the UK.
Find out more about South West London Coffin Club or contact Nic to find out about their next meeting on 6 March.
To stay in touch with all the latest news and updates from Poppy's by email, sign up here or contact us if you need help planning a funeral.