Three minute read
Many LGBTQ+ people — especially trans and gender diverse people — have experienced discrimination in healthcare settings or other services and are understandably concerned about how they will be treated during end-of-life care or when planning a funeral.
We want to be allies to our LGBTQ+ clients, their friends and families in the ways that we work. Here’s what we do and why this matters.
At Poppy’s, we take an approach that’s flexible and person-centred. We don’t sell you a set package or tell you what sort of funeral you should have. We listen to what you want and need, then we can create a funeral with you, with as much support as you need.
We offer this personalised approach to all our clients, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. But there are a few specific ways that we apply and express this with LGBTQ+ clients.
We use your language
If you tell us your name and pronouns, or those of the person who’s died, we will use and respect these, whether or not they match official identity documents or not.
We know how important names are — which is why we always refer to the person in our care by their name (not as ‘your loved one’ or ‘the deceased’).
We don’t make assumptions
As more than one in three trans people experience transphobia within their own family, so we don’t assume that your biological family will be organising your funeral, or that they would be people you would want to do so.
We don’t assume that a same-sex partner is a friend or make assumptions about who is part of your chosen family.
We don’t assume that you want or need us to know everything about you or the person who has died, so we won’t ask for unnecessary information. But we will listen to what you tell us is important.
Even though we have LGBTQ+ people on our team, we know that everyone’s life experiences are different, so we don’t assume our experiences are the same as yours.
We practice gender-affirming care
We’ll take your lead on clothing, make-up and on other ways in which we might prepare and care for someone before their funeral. We can talk with you about how they presented and expressed their gender in life to ensure that this is maintained after they’ve died.
We can also offer male-only or female-only care if requested.
We support planning ahead
We offer both pre-paid funeral plans, and free 45-minute funeral wishes consultations.
These give you a chance to ask questions about funeral care, write down what you want to happen after death and at the funeral, and give you the opportunity to decide who you need to talk to about plans and wishes.
We’ve found that talking through your fears, worries and wishes through — and writing these down — can be both reassuring and empowering, especially if there is any family conflict around your gender identity or sexual orientation. Read Jed's experience here.
We listen and learn
We’ve also sought out useful sources of information on LGBTQ+ funeral care (you can find some of these here) and received training from the ground-breaking Being Ready project.
Most importantly, we’re always keen to learn more by listening to our clients and to their feedback.
We apologise when we get it wrong
We’re all human, and language around gender and sexuality is varied and fast-changing, so sometimes we’ll use the wrong word or ask the wrong question. But we’ll always apologise and respond to feedback about how we can improve.
We’ll use our voices
We can be your advocates in a system which is not always flexible or responsive.
We’ll do all we can to ensure that other people and institutions you’ll come into contact with when arranging a funeral respect your identity, relationships and the funeral choices you have made. This can include crematoria, coroners, hospitals, even florists! We can also guide you through the administrative process of registering a death.
Why this matters
It matters because we want everyone we support to create the funeral they want, need and can feel proud of. It’s not just important for our LGBTQ+ clients, but for all our clients. At Poppy’s, we believe that inclusive, understanding and personal funeral care benefits everyone.
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