Three minute read
Anna-Louise’s dad, Dan, was a larger-than-life figure who turned every occasion into a party, so it was only right that his send-off was something special. The whole family took part, whether by contributing flowers, decorating or carrying the coffin, or sharing stories during the ceremony.
My dad was very interested in flowers — gardening was something we did together. When he was no longer able to get out of the house, I used to take him flowers. I’d cycle across London with flowers in my bicycle panniers. If I ever arrived without them, he’d be disappointed!
It was so special to be able to decorate his coffin — all the flowers we used were loaded with meaning and connection. I collected whatever I could find blossoming in January from my garden. Friends collected buds and greenery from theirs or they sent them from the florists. A few days before his funeral, we used them to make wreaths in my dad’s partner’s home, binding together our memories and sharing quiet time together thinking about him.
That was what was so refreshing about Poppy’s, that there were these glimmers of light in the darkness — yes, we could have a willow coffin and yes, we could decorate it. Those were the things we could cling to in the storm.
On the day of the funeral, my daughter and I decorated the top of his coffin, with your lovely florist Lilian. We had such a good weep. I am so glad we did that. The thought of the coffin, it just makes you stop in your tracks, but decorating it gave us something practical we could do with our hands. It was really wonderful.
We put snowdrops on the coffin which we gave away at the funeral for people to plant in their own gardens. All of his children, his ex-wife, his partner, all of us have them now. It grounds his death and the funeral at a particular time of year. And of course, the bulbs flower annually, so I can remember Dad each time they come up again.
He was also a great tie wearer, so we put some of his ties on the coffin and in the wreaths. He was a bon viveur who liked good meals, good drink, art and lovely objects, and cigars too. So, instead of the cinnamon sticks that you might put in a Christmas wreath, we put some of his last Italian Toscani cigars in the wreaths on his coffin.
By the time we carried the coffin into the crematorium — myself, my daughter, my brother and nephews — it felt as if it was ours. I’d never carried a coffin before, but I have done a lot of rowing and I’m used to carrying heavy things. It was very grounding at such an emotional moment to be able to do this. We’re all a tactile, hands-on, practical family, we wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to do it!
Poppy’s matched us with Lucy, our celebrant. Within five minutes of meeting her we said, ‘Dad would have loved you!’ She did a brilliant job bringing us together in those first raw days, when you want to do your best, but sometimes it goes haywire. She held us. It helped that she’d done it so many times before. She was able to say, ‘Well, I know this works’ or ‘Why don’t you try that?’
My 14-year-old niece had never been to a funeral before — she was worried that she would cry or laugh at the wrong time because she was nervous. I told her, ‘When I do my eulogy, I want to make people laugh, because that’s what grandpa would have done. He would have made everyone laugh’.
It’s the circle of life. Of course we were sad, but he was 87, in some ways it was nothing short of a miracle that got there, with the way he lived! There was a baby born in the family in the family shortly after he died. That felt like just how it should be.
He had a long life, well lived, it was a celebration. We did mention the difficult things too, lightly, so he didn’t seem like too much of a saint. Then we had a brilliant knees-up at my sister’s house. I felt, ‘Dad, we’ve done you proud’.
Read more client stories from Poppy's — discover how Nicola led her dad's funeral service or how Meg involved young children in their granddad's funeral.
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