Five minute read
At Poppy’s, we promise to be with you ‘every step of the way’ in organising a funeral. But what does that look like in practice?
We looked after Katie’s beloved dad, Vincent (pictured above), at Poppy’s. We asked her to explain what it meant to be reassured, supported and listened to at each stage of the process.
My dad and I were so close. He meant the world to me, my brothers, his siblings and their families.
He was a genuine, sincere man and he had such a big heart, always keen to quietly help those less fortunate. He was really close to my daughter, Poppy, too, like a dad to her. He's left a huge void.
Leading up to his funeral, we spoke to friends that he worked with and heard stories from family members that we’d never heard before. I was blown away by how many people he had gone out of his way to help, all in secret.
For example, builders that he’d worked with who'd come over from other countries with very little. He’d helped them find somewhere to live and given them work.
How we found Poppy’s
I would like to have talked to Dad about funerals. I think he knew deep down how unwell he was, but he did not want to talk about it.
We had a hospital appointment two weeks before he died. He didn't want to be in the room. He wanted me to hear the prognosis and to tell the family. It was hard, but I felt honoured that he trusted me to do that.
At the hospice, someone spoke to him about wills and funerals. After that, he told me he had looked up ‘reasonably priced funeral directors’ and found the Poppy’s website.
It was the name first of all, the same as my daughter’s, that appealed to him! I also think the fact that Poppy’s is a small business would have been really important to him. He didn't like anything big and corporate. He would have been pleased that it was Poppy’s who looked after him.
Planning the funeral
My dad was brought up a Catholic. I think he had a sense of a God or something at work in the world that was bigger than him, but he hadn't gone to church for a long time.
Dad had been on retreat to Worth Abbey — it was a really special place for him. I was astounded when Poppy’s said they’d speak to Worth Abbey and see if we could have the funeral there.
It didn't materialise because Dad wasn't a parishioner, but Victoria, our funeral director, put us in touch with a priest, Father Kevin, for a Catholic funeral service.
For the flowers, my siblings and I decided to go to a local garden centre. We chose red and white because Dad supported Liverpool.
Dad didn't like stuff being wasted, so we got the flowers in planters. We each took some home after the funeral so they could carry on growing (pictured below). We'll be able to keep them forever. The act of tending them is very healing.
For everything like that, Victoria said, ‘That’s fine, you can do that, that's no problem’.
My first impression of Poppy’s was that nothing was going to be impossible here.
Dressing and visiting my dad
Poppy's handled his clothes so sensitively. They bagged up the clothes he died in, kept them and asked us what we wanted to do with them. It really touched me, because they could have just seen them as rubbish. But Poppy’s knew that they weren’t.
We brought in the clothes that we wanted him dressed in — a charcoal grey zip-up top and a smart shirt. He always took such pride in his appearance.
As a teenager, it was Dad who would take me shopping for clothes — he taught me to be a dedicated follower of fashion, and that it was a lovely quality to take care of how you look.
My dad came to Poppy’s with only one shoe. One was lost when he died, so we ordered him a new pair of shoes.
Danny, who works in the Poppy’s mortuary, helped me to put the shoes on my dad. I will never forget what he did. It meant so much to me. A little final act of service.
The team in the mortuary gave me so much reassurance. I was even worried that Dad would be in there on his own. They were able to tell me that there were other people in there with him. It gave me and my family a lot of comfort because my dad always wanted to be around people.
I came to see him at Poppy’s a few times. Initially my daughter, who’s nine, wanted to come and see her granddad too.
I thought, there's no way that this is going to be able to happen. I spoke to Poppy's and they said, ‘This is not unheard of, we can make this happen if you want’.
We didn't do it in the end because Poppy decided she didn't want to. But just knowing that she could was so important for us.
On the day of the funeral
We didn't have to worry about anything on the day. The Poppy’s team were so efficient in getting everyone into the crematorium and handing out the orders of service. It all went very smoothly.
Me, my partner, my two brothers, and cousins Sam and Mark, carried Dad’s coffin. I've never carried a coffin before.
Victoria talked us through what we had to do — she was quick, calm and to the point. I was a bit nervous, but she explained it so clearly. I knew that if any of us changed our minds on the day, it would be okay.
Victoria also helped us with the order of service. We chose the readings and my dad's sister wrote the bidding prayers, which was very special. My daughter read a poem. My brother and I did the eulogy. It came together perfectly.
We were fortunate to know Dad so well — we knew what he would have liked. I'm so grateful for our family. We were able to make it so special for my dad. He would have been well pleased with it. He really would.
After the funeral
We were a bit worried about finding a venue for the reception afterwards. Victoria and her colleagues were so helpful, telling us about options near the crematorium. In the end, we chose one of Dad's favourite pubs, The Greyhound.
We’ve got his ashes at home, next to the picture that we had on his coffin. We haven’t decided where to scatter them, but I'm happy knowing that they're here and they're safe.
My experience of Poppy’s
From the first point of contact to the last conversation, I've felt listened to with kindness and gentleness. I wouldn’t say understanding, because you don't want someone to just go, ‘Oh, I understand’. Instead, there was real respect for us and dignity in how Dad was treated.
It’s probably been the hardest time that I've been through, but it has been perfect in many ways too. It felt like anything that Poppy’s could do to take the stress and pressure off us, they would.
Read more about client experiences of Poppy's in our stories and ideas section.
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