Three minute read
Many people don’t realise that you don’t need to be a funeral celebrant or a religious minister to lead a funeral service. A friend or family member can lead the ceremony instead if you prefer.
If you’ve been asked, or you’d like to offer, to lead a funeral service for someone close to you, here are a few useful pointers and some behind-the-scenes info to help you feel confident in your role.
Timing is everything!
Check carefully how much time you have for the ceremony. The slot you book at the crematorium includes the time it takes to get people in and out as well as the ceremony itself. For example, if you book 45 minutes, the actual time for the service may only be half an hour.
It is important to plan timings carefully as service spaces are very strict. If a service overruns they can issue a fine — always something we want to help you to avoid. If you think you will need more time, please ask your funeral director in advance and we can help arrange this.
Preparing your team
You are likely to have several other people involved in the ceremony, perhaps reading a well-loved poem, singing a favourite song, or sharing their memories of the person who has died. This is a lovely way to include different people and to get a rounded picture of the person.
Make sure everyone knows in advance how long they have to speak and that they need to stick to their time. Remind them again before the funeral starts, and gently make sure that they don’t overrun.
Planning the structure
You don't need to be an experienced celebrant in order to plan a service. Simply writing a list of what you would like to include is a good way to start.
You will need to have a clear idea of what’s happening when. Your role is to make sure that everyone else knows what they need to do, for example when to stand up or sit down, and feels confident about what’s coming next.
It's most important to make sure you know what the very start and the very end of ceremony will look like, so that you can guide people through what’s expected of them.
There are traditional ways to end a funeral, for example by closing the curtains around the coffin or by introducing a final piece of music. If you are planning something different, make sure you let people know what the cue is for them to leave the ceremony.
When planning the contents of the ceremony, build in some breathing space. Certain aspects will take longer than you expect — for example, often people need a little time to compose themselves before speaking, or to get to and from their seats. We might have mentioned before, keeping everything to time really is important!
Your funeral director is here to help
We’re here to help you. We’ve done this lots of times before and we are really happy to share our experience of what works.
Talk over everything step-by-step with your funeral director before the day, just to make sure you are on the same page.
Just before the ceremony begins, we’ll show you the buttons you need to start and stop any music, and how to close the curtains if you choose to do this. Every crematorium is a little bit different, but it’s all very straightforward.
Relax and be in the moment
We know it’s not that easy! But try to stay calm and relaxed as much as you can.
Remember, you should be surrounded by people who can help and support you — your friends and family, but also the funeral director’s team and the chapel attendant at the crematorium.
Don't feel like everything has to be perfect. Some of the most beautiful and authentic ceremonies we’ve experienced have been a little rough around the edges. A friend or family member leading the service brings their own personal experience, as well as knowing the people in the room and the person who has died.
Leading a funeral ceremony is beautiful way of paying tribute to someone close to you. We wish you good luck!
Hear from Nicola about how she led her dad’s funeral ceremony or find ideas for choosing and using music during a funeral ceremony.
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